Child Custody And Divorce: Free Legal Advice
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Well, it's been a interesting few weeks, eh? You have lived through the final breakdown of the marriage, and then the filing and serving of the case, maybe met a brand-new lawyer, and have endured the stress and contentiousness of the temporary hearing or some motion hearing. You're an emotional and financial wreck, but you made it. What happens next?
Maybe nothing, for a little while. When things start happening again, it won't be at the same frenetic pace. For now, take a little break. That's what the system has more or less designed in for you. At this point, both parties need to get used to things, which is why this pause in the process is here. You (and your soon-to-be-ex) need to get used to the new living arrangements: there is an excellent chance that someone has moved, or is planning to move. Let's get the personal property divided (she gets the VCR and television, he gets the stereo, etc.) and settle in for a little bit. The kids are with one party or the other at all times, but not with both at the same time, and they need a little time to settle in as well. Help them through all this. The finances are a mess. You may have a big new deduction from your check each week, called an income withholding order, which sends your support to the Friend of the Court for forwarding to your soon-to-be-ex. Or, you may be the one waiting for that check to arrive in the mail (or be deposited into your account. Friend of the Court doesn't like writing and sending checks, they're going to start an automatic-deposit system) each week. Start getting used to it, it's going to continue for quite some time.
Visitation problems, if they are going to occur (and there are some families that go through divorce with ABSOLUTELY NO VISITATION PROBLEMS, but not many) will surface now, and need to get resolved. Resolve those problems the same way you do the other problems throughout this case: BE REASONABLE.
You are entitled to a hearing, in front of the judge, on those issues that can't be resolved. If it needs to be resolved right now, your lawyer can file a motion and get it done, unless it involves the taking of testimony, which means that it will wait until the court can get you a hearing. In addition, we know that motion hearings tend to be a little rapid, a little superficial, as we saw back in Chapter 8. The judge tends to sit up on that bench, and say to himself "Who's not being reasonable here?". And he should. You just make sure that when he asks that question, the answer isn't YOU. While we're on the subject of "reasonable" (and we will be, for the duration of this project) ask yourself, and your attorney, as to EACH issue, "Can we get it settled without going to court?" That new attitude, that new feeling, that new procedure, is something that takes a little getting used to, and that's what this lull in the proceedings is for, to allow both parties to make the adjustments necessary.
There is a waiting period, by law, before a divorce can go through and become final. If there are no children, the waiting period is sixty days. If there are children, then the waiting period is six months. The government, as a matter of public policy, wants parents to think about things a little longer before they go off in separate directions, if there are kids involved. Not a bad idea. In addition, the waiting period will vary from state to state. I understand that the attraction of Nevada, as a place to get divorced, was that its residency requirements (prior to filing) and its waiting period (after filing) were quite small. You go to Las Vegas, you move into the Flamingo Hotel, you wait ten days, congratulations. You're now a Nevada resident, and can file for divorce, and serve your spouse by mail. If your spouse doesn't show up, you get divorced anyway. It's over. There are complications (the Nevada judge can't award you any Michigan property, for example. You are divorced and awarded whatever personal property is in your possession, by and large.) In any event, your attorney, in your state, will know what your state's requirements are.
That's what the pause in these proceedings is all about, using up some of the waiting period. But there are still things to do, and your lawyer is going to want to get started, after some period of time. You will probably have a conference with the lawyer, and be asked "What would it take to settle this case?" Or, you will be asked "Would counselling save this marriage? Do you even WANT to save this marriage?" YOU answer for YOU. Nobody wants, not the judge, not the attorneys, not the court clerk, nobody, wants you to get divorced, and nobody wants you to stay together. It's between you and your spouse, and that's that. As to anyone else, it's not their business. If the focus becomes giving one last shot at saving the marriage, the lawyers will assist in agreeing on a counselor who may help. If the focus becomes continuing with the divorce, there are still a few things that need to be done.
The principal things that need to be done, in order, are:
1. Discovery.
2. Attempts at settlement.
3. Preparation for trial.
4. The trial itself.
We'll be dealing with these subjects next. If you're at this point in a real divorce process, you might get that phone call, from your attorney, who advises "Well, I telephoned the other attorney, and sent along the message that we'd still be interested in having some counselling, maybe saving the marriage. After checking with the client, the lawyer called back. I'm sorry, but they're not interested. You'll have to come in and see me, we've got some work to do. You're going to get divorced, and we've got to prepare for the trial."
You've got a lot to do. It's manageable, but you've got a lot to do.
Good luck with it.