Child Custody And Divorce: Free Legal Advice
Child Custody And Divorce: Free Legal Advice
Child Custody And Divorce: Free Legal Advice
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The next factor, in Michigan's list of factors, is
(f) The moral fitness of the parties involved.
Every state has some separate, intensive look at the relative "morality" of the two competing parties, and you'd better be aware of its existence, and live your life in such a way that your "moral fitness" to be a parent can't be challenged in any realistic way.
That should be enough warning, but lately I find, from reading my email, that it might not be enough, so here is a list, which is NOT complete: I've got to believe that you folks know what you shouldn't be doing, and will avoid same, and you know what you should be doing, and will strive to do those things.
Here's the list:
Crimes. Don't do them. Not bank robbery, obviously, but also not tax evasion, shoplifting, speeding (yes, speeding. "What did you do at Dad's?" "It was really neat, Mom. The police officers handcuffed Dad, and put him in the back of the patrol car. I thought it was cool, but Jeremy just kept crying, real loud, and his face got all red, he looked like a bug his face was so red. And Trooper Jones told Dad that he could go to JAIL.") Don't forget to renew that driver's license. And those plates. But the troopers wouldn't have noticed you, except that you were speeding. Great job, Dad. See you in court.
Drugs and alcohol. Don't do them. More cases are lost over drugs and alcohol than all the other factors but one, and we'll get to that one shortly. If you do illegal drugs, you are going to lose on this "moral fitness" factor. If you leave the children home while you cruise the bars, never mind the babysitter, you're going to lose on this factor. Just don't do it. There is one possible side-step to this problem: have the children stay WITH THE OTHER PARENT on that night. Think about it. (Well, judge, my golf league is on Thursday, throughout the summer, and I didn't want the kids with a sitter, so I drop the kids off at their mom's about 5:30, and they stay Thursday night with her, and I give her twenty bucks to send out for pizza, and I pick them back up Friday morning; I flex-time during my weeks in the summer with the kids, I always have Friday off on my half of their summer vacation. So in answer to your question, yes, I do occasionally have a beer or two, but my kids wouldn't know it, because they're at their mom's".)
Boyfriends and girlfriends. They CAN'T move in, and they CAN'T stay the night. No. Don't argue. No. If you're going to get remarried, then get remarried. Until then, you're not married. Got that? That means that the Significant Other doesn't go along on vacation, either. Not if any overnights are involved.
Voting.Vote in every election, and see that your child knows that you do, and why. Seriously. It's a responsibility to the People, which is all of us. Likewise
Charity, and Volunteering, because we have responsibilities to others, to our neighborhoods and neighbors. Do you educate the child (and this spills over a little into the "education" factor doesn't it?) as to these things? Do you discuss it with the child? You should.
You are obviously setting the boundaries, BY EXAMPLE, of what is and what is not a good moral grounding for your child. Do you discuss good and bad morals with the child? Is the child clear on the fact that some things are required (honesty, respect for elders and authority figures) and some things just plain forbidden because OUR family has moral fiber, whether or not others do. And whether or not anyone is looking. You may have to handle the shoplifting episode: back to the store, ask for the manager, direct the child to give it back, then back home for a good lecture on values. Not a beating. You may have to handle the wallet-found-in-the-street episode: we phone the owner, or turn it in, because it's the Right Thing To Do. When your child sees YOU do that, or sees you do anything else, it makes an impression on the child. Whatever it is.
The judge, in a child custody case, will be evaluating the two competing parties with regard to "the moral fitness of the parties involved", and in many cases the factor comes out a tie: the judge announces, during his findings of fact "...and on Factor F, the moral fitness of the parties, I find that these are both fine people, excellent parents, and the parties are tied on this factor...", and that's fine, that's great.
But far too often, the judge says something like "...and on Factor F, the moral fitness of the parties involved, I'm afraid that the Plaintiff is setting a bad example, or has in the past, and I'm ruling that this factor goes to the Defendant. I'm not saying that the Plaintiff is an immoral person, not a bad person, but I'm saying that on balance, when you look at the big picture, the Defendant is better. Clearly better. So Factor F goes to the Defendant...."
And that one factor could lose you the case, couldn't it? See that it doesn't.
Good luck with it.