Child Custody And Divorce: Free Legal Advice
Child Custody And Divorce: Free Legal Advice
Child Custody And Divorce: Free Legal Advice
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We've already discussed (it was the very first one, back at Chapter 24) the child's preference as affecting custody. Feel free to click on that link if you want to review factor "(I) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient age to express preference."
The next factor from the list of factors in the child custody statute that we need to discuss is:
"(J) The willingness and ability of each of the parents to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent."
The language is a little stilted, but what it means, simply, is this: parents have an obligation to nurture the child's relationship with the other parent.
Please note that simply "saying so" isn't enough: the factor says that the judge will weigh the willingness, which is one thing, and the ability of each party, which is another, different thing, isn't it? If you say, to the judge "Well, I tried to see that the other party received good parenting time...", that's almost as bad as the "good plans" that we discussed a few chapters ago, isn't it? You have to succeed. You have to demonstrate your ability to both facilitate (which means 'make it easy' for the other parent) and encourage (which means 'take some direct positive steps to promote ) that relationship with the other parent.
Remember, the judge is weighing you, comparing you against the other parent: even if you're doing a good job at it, if the other parent is doing a BETTER job, you can still lose this factor. Conversely, I suppose that if you're doing a poor job at encouraging the child's relationship with the other parent, but you can show that the other parent is doing a measurably WORSE job, you could win this factor.
This is the factor in the custody statute that loses the most cases. It's not the claims of drinking, not the claims of drugs, not the claims of he/she's a real mental case. It's this one. You HAVE TO be able to demonstrate that you are encouraging a close and continuing relationship with the OTHER parent and the child.
That means several things, right off the top (but be creative: think of, and practice, a few more):
DON'T run the other parent down to the child.
DO build the other parent up to the child.
DON'T argue with the other parent in front of the child, nor argue with the other parent, over the phone, while the child is within earshot (you don't think the judge knows this tactic? Judges are WAY hip to this. Don't do it).
DO be considerate of the other parents "family time" and other special occasions: if grandma (the other parent's mother) is coming in from out of town, but it's your weekend, do I want you to agree to trade weekends? No. I WANT YOU TO TELEPHONE FIRST, and I want you to VOLUNTEER to trade weekends. This factor says "promote" that relationship, not just agree to it.
You must recognize that the public policy of the state, the very letter of the law, is to REWARD a parent who is considerate, who will build the other parent up to a child. It's good for the child, isn't it? The judge will be looking for it. See that you have it in place, and can demonstrate several of your examples. Obviously, when the other parent telephones with a reasonable (and, to be honest, sometimes not so reasonable) request, try to find a way to say 'yes'. I know this is difficult at times, but the reward is there, should there ever be a custody contest between the two parents. One factor can win or lose a whole case, and this is the most important factor of the bunch, in my opinion.
Good luck with it.